When life throws problems after problems at you, just smile back, fold your sleeves and start working your a*se off. Feeling low or don’t have that energy or inspiration to move? I’ve got 40 short funny quotes on life by famous people that’ll instantly fix your mood and make you laugh out loud.
I always find these absolutely funny quotes on life, love and relationships, and inspirational quotes about life that cheer me up instantly especially when I have tons of untouched issues at the back of my mind and zero motivation to do it.
Note: If you’re sitting at your office and reading these funny quotes on life, I want to warn you, you might literally laugh out loud and will only get your boss’s death glares in return. So try not to laugh too hard.
😂 “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” – George Burns
😂 Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes! — Billy Connolly
😂 “Haters are just confused admirers because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you.” – Jeffree Star
😂 “The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.” – Harlan Ellison
😂 “The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.” – Fred Allen
😂 People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – A. A. Milne
😂 “The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.” – Dorothy Parker
😂 “I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.” – Mitch Hedberg
😂 “It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.”– Navjot Singh Sidhu
😂 “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
😂 “My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition.” – Indira Gandhi
😂 “Man has his will, but woman has her way.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.
😂 “Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” – Mark Twain
😂 “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.”
– Oscar Wilde
😂 “The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.”– Natalie Wood
😂 “If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.” – Rob Corddry
😂 “A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
😂 “My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.” – Ellen DeGeneres
😂 “The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.” – Robert Bloch
😂 “I have learned from my mistakes, and I am sure I can repeat them exactly.” – Peter Cook
😂 “Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” – Redd Foxx
😂 “Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.” – Steve Irwin
😂 “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.” – Alan Dundes
😂 “When you’re in love it’s the most glorious two and a half days of your life.” – Richard Lewis
😂 “It does not matter whether you win or lose, what matters is whether I win or lose!”
– Steven Weinberg
😂 “If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.”
– Theodore Roosevelt
😂 “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
– Thomas A. Edison
😂 “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.”
– Steven Wright
😂 “The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” – Bill Watterson
😂 “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?”
– Steven Wright
😂 “A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.”
– Winston Churchill
😂 “My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.” – Walter Matthau
😂 “A great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.”
– Walter Bagehot
😂 “We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.” – Bryan White
😂 “I hate women because they always know where things are.”
😂 “I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.”
– Woody Allen
😂 “When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.”
– Will Rogers
😂 A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished. – Zsa Zsa Gabor
😂 He who laughs the last didn’t get the joke. – Charles de Gaulle
😂 At every party there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other. – Ann Landers
Did you get a good laugh?
That’s great! Be a little generous now and send these quotes to your BFFs, friends and colleagues.
They might need cheering up as well…
Copywriter, aspiring author, and a curious cat! I love to read, write and explore new things in life. My only motto is ‘Live life to the fullest!’ and of course help other smart and passionate women to do the same.
Embrace the way you are, ladies! Follow your passion, grab the opportunities as they come. Easier said than done, I know. But I’m here to share my hard-earned wisdom about nurturing healthy relationships and proven ways to make healthy lifestyle changes. I very much hope that helps…